Opening Up In a Relationship Through Emotional Validation

Opening up in a relationship is key to its success – and it is key for all parties involved.  It is a fact that you hear time and again – open up or communicate in your relationships.  One tactic I have found that helps people open up in a relationship is ‘emotional validation.’

Emotional validation is an important social skill that anyone can and should learn. If you want more from a relationship, be it a personal or professional one, you are going to need to open up and get your partner(s) to open up as well.  Emotional validation with help you and it will also help the others (your partners) to feel more respected and accepted – thus making it easier to open up in a relationship. This is something you can practice with everyone in all levels of your social circles.  You can practice it with your loved ones, your business associates and even with people you barely know.

But I am getting a little ahead of myself. First I guess I should cover off on the Basics of Emotional Validation.

Basics of Validation

1. Define validation. Validation refers to the honest and respectful acknowledging someone’s feelings. Now let’s be clear.  You can acknowledge someone’s feelings even if you do not agree with them or condone the behavior that comes with them.  You can talk with your child about he or she is feeling afraid and how that fear led them to hide their failing grades without suggesting that was the right thing to do.


2. Offer validation to yourself. I personally believe that you will need to learn to validate yourself before you are able to effectively validate others.  Very similar techniques work in both cases. Recognizing and acknowledging your true feelings is the first step in being able to manage and communicate them constructively.  Before you can open up in a relationship you will need to open up to yourself!


3. Monitor your nonverbal expressions. Body language is big part of the communication process. Actually studies have shown that 55% of communication is visual.  So, if you are feeling patient and attentive, you are far more likely to appear relaxed and welcoming.  Those in your social circle will pick up on your non-verbal relaxed and welcoming cues.  On the other hand, rolling your eyes at a person can feel just as dismissive (if not more so) than any verbally communicated mockery.


4. Take advantage of daily opportunities. Like any other skill, the more you use emotional validation the better you get at it.  It is far easier to master a skill when you use it frequently – honing your perceptions and enhancing you techniques. Make every social interaction a growth or training opportunity, whether you are talking with your mother, your boss or the cashier at your grocery store take the time to learn and grow your proficiency.

Okay now that we have covered off on the basics some of you may be asking “Okay, I get it but…What is in it for me?”  “Why should I try this tactic for opening up in a relationship?”  Well, let me try and tackle these (or similar) questions by sharing with you some of the benefits of emotional validation.

Benefits of Validation

1. Help people to feel like they belong. I cannot stress this fact enough.  You see, the need to fit in is fundamental to human nature. Even those rebels that we all know and love still what to fit-in, just in their own unique way.  Validating each other’s feelings helps us all to feel more respected and appreciated. When we are emotionally validated we all are reminded that we all have value just for being who we are.  No matter our race, greed, color, religion, sexual preference or any other characteristic they we may be judged by.


2. Reduce conflicts. By letting people know that you care about them and that their feelings matter you will have a much better chance of lowering their ‘defenses’.  From this you will find that fewer disagreements arise.  This will come from the trust build by learning about each other, by learning from each other, as well as the goodwill all parties will demonstrate in the communication and emotional validation process.


3. Improve communications. When you suck out the all-to-prevalent judging and blaming you create a void.  This void will be filled with communication. For you see, in the absence of judging or casting blame, many (if not most) people will be eager to open up in a relationship almost immediately. If you want to drive even more open and constructive dialogue use open-ended questions and supportive comments.
   


4. Empower others. By emotional validating others you are authenticating their feelings. This authentication strengthens their capacity and ability to resolve their own dilemmas. They will be empowered to get insights into underlying motivations and recurring patterns of behavior about themselves and those in their life.   These insights can help them adopt a far more constructive approach to taking on those dilemmas and they will become all the more confident from it.

Okay now you have learned a little about the basics of opening up in a relationship through emotional validation.  You have learned a few of the key benefits, and trust me there are many more then the four I have listed.  I think you get the idea of how each of these four creates a solid and growing foundation to many other benefits.  Benefits that will have a

i shared